her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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