P.S. I can't hear my feet
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
