I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
This baby is an asshole
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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