wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
