Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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