i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize