Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize
