Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
