Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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