Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
