apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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