living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
