just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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