So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
