That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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