Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
