Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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