just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
