out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
