so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
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