Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
