I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
