apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I have already put on my inside pants.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
