i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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