So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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