Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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