Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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