both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
