i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
