why didn't you poke me back
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
