is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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