I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
