he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
