Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
