we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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