you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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