I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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