she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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