My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
