I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Bring me that man meat
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
