We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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