You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
