drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
