And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
