The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
