Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
