I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
