Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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