this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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