I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
