I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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