How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Randomize
