I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
