it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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