At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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