Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
