I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
