where does the pee come out of this thing
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
