the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
