I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
