so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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