Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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