I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
