I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
