Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
