i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
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