Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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