Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
