if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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