Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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