She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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