i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
As shirtless as possible
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
