It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
