I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
