Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
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