i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
