I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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