You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
