Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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