I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
