Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
