I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize