I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
