Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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