It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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