i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
