he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did we literally take a cab across the street
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
