I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize