Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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