There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
