he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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