??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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