I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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