so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
