i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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