A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize