I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
