i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize